Shashank's Musings

At the Oasis in the desert?

Hey I am leaving Hyderabad soon. Time will stand testimony to the fact whether I will be back here or not. I remember as it were yesterday, the day I came to Hyd to start my Wipro sojourn, and here I stand at middle ground, leaving for something truly unknown. Life's funny, it’s sad, its beautiful, its whimsical, its wicked, its like a very pretty child dancing in the rain muddying herself. I wonder why I said that- look at life as feminine- but it seems apt, so why bother.

Exactly a year back i left Chennai, and when I did, I knew, don’t know how, that my time in Chennai was coming to an end, It was weird, but it was a feeling, when i came to Hyderabad, I felt like I had come home, this is my state, these are my people, this is my culture and therein lay the greatest happiness, I felt like a prodigal son coming home, returning to his origins, I felt glad to be returning to Andhra. Kind of weird isn’t it- 21 years in Chennai and I still never felt like it was my city. I never did watch Tamil movies or channels, never felt comfortable with the language, never could get myself to like the people, never felt like it was home. I never did watch Telugu movies or channels for that matter. It always bothered me that no matter how much I wandered into English language and explored it environs, the feeling of being like a ship soaring the high seas without a port to call home. Well a year back i found here and I felt happy. I have had fun in Hyderabad. I have explored his city, I have made many good friends, I have read a lot of good stuff, I have liked my time in this city.

And now as the end of days here draws closer, I am looking back and taking stock. I have felt an unusual restlessness within me in the past few days, conflicting emotions, distant thoughts, I have felt an invisible hand telling my heart a new journey is about to begin. I guess to people who know me not the most will find this in the least whimsical. I guess I see myself like the alchemist, who is in a desert seeking his treasure, listening to his heart, and trying to always stay true to it. Life's a wonderful journey, in this I have learnt so much. People find me to be unusual and crazy, but I think I have tried to live my life by following my heart and I think as long as I follow my heart I wont stray of my path. The heart is always in touch with what the alchemist says the soul of the world. I think so. Maybe its just a fools belief and how the beliefs assume strength with time and power of the belief.

I think I will be back here one day, my heart tells me so, and maybe it’s like in the Alchemist, a Fatima waiting. Maybe it’s like the bakers daughter. ‘Maybe’:a word which imbibes the uncertainty of the world in it. This uncertainly that governs men’s life.

As i look back, It slowly dawns on, the old guruji's sayings, it seems to have been a long time since I have met guruji, but i remember what he told me, dream and believe and those dreams will unfold before your eyes. I dream, I don’t sit back on words, I work, I seek knowledge, I strive to make my own destiny the way my nature will it. I have met many people, people i have liked like James, people like my Fatima of spice,(spice- the land of dune), people to be wary of, people to look up to and envisage. I think my heart is still trying to figure out the nature of men. It’s still a very young heart.

I look at my life and I once again see a young child, a very pretty thin, dressed in white dress with laces, dancing, a slow graceful dance, she's lovely, the sun's out and its a very warm beautiful day. Life's delicious.

And again Emerson invades my thought's with his words,

"Thou art not gone being gone, where'er thou art,
Thou leav'st in her thy watchful eyes, in her thy
loving heart."

posted by Shashank @ 4:29 AM